The Chibis go Grocery Shopping
by Konie
Summary: The gundams have been turned Chibi by some mysterious event....and they decide they need some food...the adventures on the way to the grocery store...Meet the evil menace Cart Boy! Same bat time, same bat channel! (Also up, Chapter 2! The Chibis are in
1. Default Chapter

  
"The Chibis go grocery shopping"  
  
This shall be my self-insertion fic…oh well…  
Finished up for Meghann-chan, who always loves what I do =-)   
This is for you, since Candice has "The Case of the Missing Chibis"  
  
  
"Wahh! I'm hungry!" Chibi Duo tugged on my pants leg, then sat down on  
my foot. "Gimme food!"  
  
I smiled, looking down, "I'm sorry, Duo, what do you want?"  
  
"I want strawberry pancakes and chocolate chip pudding!" The chibi sighed  
enthusiastically, practically drooling.   
I heard a tiny knock at my bedroom door, and a little high-pitched voice   
called; "May I come in, Momma Konie?"  
  
"Of course, Quatre!" I called back, picking Duo up off my foot and placing  
him gently in my lap, where he snuggled, purring like a little kitten.  
  
The door squeaked as the little Arabian stepped in, and squeaked again as  
he slowly closed it. "Momma Konie, there's not enough ingredients to   
make breakfast. I thought that I'd come in here and tell you." He smiled,   
obviously proud of himself.   
  
"Quatre, dear, did you try to make breakfast again?" I asked, nervously…   
even though he was only trying to help, I remember the last time he made   
breakfast… the pots and pans on the floor, the chairs pulled up to the   
counters, the smoke, the flames...   
"But Quatre makes breakfast good, Konie!" Chibi Duo called up from my   
lap, defending his friend.  
Petting his head, smoothing his hair, I said, "I know, Shinie…I know…Angel   
does make a great breakfast."  
This brightened Angel's smile even more. "Actually, Heero and Trowa are   
making breakfast."  
  
"Thank you for reporting in, Ensign Angel." I saluted him, and he cheerfully   
did the same. "Dismissed."  
  
After leaving in the same way he came in, I looked down at Duo, now   
asleep in my lap. "I thought that you wanted some food, Little Shinie." A  
little ear perked up at the mention of food.   
"Yes, I want my pudding." He pouted, trying to make me go get some food.  
"How about we go to the grocery store and you can pick out what you   
want?"  
"Yeah! Let's go!" He cried as he jumped from my lap to the ground, making  
a nice little 'thud' as he landed. "Come on, Konie!" He called from the   
door, holding out his chubby hand.  
"Alright, I'm coming." I smiled, taking his little hand in mine as we went to   
the kitchen.  
"Momma Konie?" Duo looked up, puzzled. His face was contorted into a  
grin/ frown…  
(How he does it and still looks cute, I don't know!)  
"Yes, Shinie?"  
"What's the grocery store? Is it where the stories go when they get tired?   
Or where the Grocers go when they need a nap? Why are we going?"  
"Shinie, the grocery store is a place that sells a lot of food, and if you want  
some food, that'll be the place to get it." I answered him, grinning. 'He is  
the darndest thing!'  
"Oh, alright…" he said, looking disappointed. "I wanted to meet Humpty  
Dumpty…"  
"He's just a nursery rhyme, that's all. You know that, Duo." I told him,  
picking him up and carrying him into the kitchen. When I opened the door,  
I almost dropped him from shock! Even though Heero and Trowa were   
cooking, there wasn't any mess at all! Walking around some, I noticed a   
figure crouched under the table, with a little broom, sweeping.   
"Wu-chan, what are you doing down there?" I asked the little Chinese Chibi.  
The little Pilot ignored me and kept sweeping. "Wufei, what are you doing  
down there?"  
Jumping down from my arms, Duo walked over to Wufei, grabbed the  
little broom and started saying things like "Lookie at Wu-chan! A little   
Hausfrau!"  
'Haus…Frau?' I thought, the gears turning in my head. Slowly, but surely  
turning. "Ensigns Trowa, Heero, Wufei, Duo and Quatre, REPORT!"  
In a hurried mess, all the aforementioned Chibis got into a line, in number  
order. Pacing back and forth (as I often do) I asked Trowa if he had been   
teaching Duo some foreign languages.  
"Yes, ma'am, I've been trying to teach him some French, German, and  
Italian."  
"You don't need to give him ideas, English is just fine for Duo-chan!"  
"Yes, ma'am." He answered, looking down, disappointed. He had liked  
teaching Duo things; he was such an enthusiastic learner.  
"Next things next. Let's eat and then go to the grocery store. Dismissed."  
I ordered. Army-style was the only way I had figured to keep all of the   
Chibis inline.   
All of the Chibis cautiously made their way to the round wooden table for   
breakfast.   
Trowa looked over at me, confused. "Miss Konie, what is the grocery   
store?"  
"It's only a place with a lot of food to buy."   
"Oh. Are we going there today?"  
"Yes, Trowa, we are. Then we can pick up some of those apples that you   
wanted for apple pies."  
Duo started to pat his tummy, "Yummy! Apple pies!" He drooled in  
anticipation, the imaginary aroma of apple pies filling his senses.  
"Yup, and we can get almost anything else you want to, with the kind help   
of Mr. Peacecraft." I said, referring to Milliardo. He's helped a lot with the   
Chibis…I remember when we found them…  
  
_+_+_+_+_+_  
"Hey! Milliardo! Over here!" I called, waving across the expanse of the   
parking lot. The sun shined a lot that day, so the blacktop was getting   
almost painfully hot. "I found the Gundams… but there's something wrong  
with them!"  
I should say there was.  
"What could be wrong?" he called back, anxious. After the death of   
Mariemeia, the Gundams had all split up, leaving Relena and Milliardo to   
themselves. He still wanted to finish his duel with Heero, so he tried to   
find him afterwards. We had spent months and months searching, and   
finally came across a tabloid sighting of them… in a grocery store parking   
lot.  
"Well…" I started, leading him to the exact spot. Once there, he stood and  
gawked. And stood there some more. I think the shock was too much.  
"T-those are the Gundams?"  
"Yup."  
"What happened to them?"  
"Who knows? But who'll take care of them?" I said, pointing to the now  
Mini-Gundams and Chibi pilots. They were playing "duck, duck, goose".  
And it wasn't really playing. It was Heero sitting by  
Chibi-Wing-Zero-Custom and doing some calculations. It was Wufei   
polishing Nataku. It was Trowa polishing his knives. Then there were   
Duo and Quatre. They were playing… on everyone else. Yes, jumping and  
playing.  
Milliardo and I turned and looked each other in the eye. "I'm not doing it."  
We both said in concert.  
"You're the girl. You do it." He said, finalizing it. "I'll help you every now   
and then though."  
___++__+++___++_  
  
So, I got stuck with the Chibis… but I've grown to love them as if they   
were my little brothers =-).  
  
"Mama Konie… we're done with breakfast. Do you want to help clean up?"  
Heero asked, looking up at me with a small smile on his face. Boy…   
time flies with an inner monologue… doesn't it, folks?  
"Sure… but after you go get washed up." I beamed down at him,  
"Now to the bathroom with you."  
He left, almost skipping. Something seemed wrong with that…  
"Miss Konie… are we leaving soon?" Angel came up and asked, "I already  
cleaned up most of the mess." He said proudly. He puffed his little chest   
out, trying to prove he was big enough to do it.  
"Sugoi!" I said, promptly glomping him. See, even though I've lived with   
them for a while now… I'm not immune to the sudden-kawaii-ness   
syndrome. All people have it. When they see a Chibi doing something   
cute, they have to glomp. Human instinct, I tell ya, human instinct.   
  
Human instinct aside, I got the little ones packed into my Geo.   
I know…ancient, tiny… but it gets good mileage. The only salvation that  
car has, mind you… mileage.   
"How far is it?" Shinie asked… non-stop the entire way. "How far is it?  
How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How   
far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is  
it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it?   
How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How  
far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is  
it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it?   
How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How far is it? How  
far is it? How far is it?"   
"ONLY FIVE MORE MINUTES." I screamed, swerving to miss a semi.   
Driving with Chibis in the backseat, I learned, it the most dangerous thing   
you could ever do. Ever! So never do it!!!!!  
Duo got quiet. Fast.  
Silence for the rest of the trip. Wonderful, wonderful silence.  
How I love that word… silence.  
  
We got to the grocery store, our local Cheap Food. What? You don't have  
those? Oh well. Parking the car, I got all the Chibis out… and walked  
halfway to the store in our chain when I heard a screeching sound… like  
metal on metal. I turned back to look at me Geo… to see a cart boy  
pushing carts against my car!!!!! "Hey! I'm gonna talk to the   
manager!!!!" I screamed to him, but he had a CD player going and didn't   
hear me. "Shinie, honey… you know what you like to do to mean people?"  
I looked down at him, with an evil little glint in my eye.   
He looked back, confused. "But Konie… you told me not to do that."  
"I know… I'm making an exception, just this once. Alright?"  
He nodded. "Alright. You know what to do."  
I let go of his hand… and he ran over to the cart boy. And started to kick  
him in the shin. The cart boy took off his headphones and looked down  
at Duo. "What do you think you're doing, kid?" The cart boy asked,   
picking Duo up.  
"Nothing." answered Duo. That is… until he kicked the cart boy again…   
in the only available place for his Chibi foot to go… yeah, you know where  
I'm talking about. Dropping Duo, the boy screamed in agony and keeled   
over. Excitedly, Duo ran over to me, beaming.   
"Good job, Duo! Now, for your treat, apples for apple pie!"  
"What do we get?" The others asked.  
The evil glint returned to me again. "You'll get what ever you want…as long  
as you earn it."  
Only Heero picked up on my hint and walked calmly to the Cart boy.   
"Ninmu ryokai." He said, putting a Vulcan Nerve Pinch? On the cart boy?   
Wow… what kids learn from re-runs of Star Trek. After knocking the boy  
unconscious, Heero walked calmly back to me. "I get what I want now.   
I've earned it."  
"You sure have, Heero. You sure have."  
  
The End… or is it?  
Do they make it into the grocery store?  
Do they survive the evil produce isle, looking for apples?  
Do they find the apples they need?  
What will become of the cart boy?  
Stay tuned… Same Bat time, same Bat channel.  



	2. Chapter 2: Meet the evil menace Produce...

"Konie?" a timid little voice called up from the floor.  
"Yes, Tro-kun?" I asked, looking down at the little Chibi Trowa who had  
set himself down onto my foot, and was latching onto my leg.   
"It is alright that I ride on your foot, right?"  
"Of course! You're just like my little brother!" I said, smiling down  
at him with the biggest grin that wasn't maniacal that I could muster.  
See, there were some… incidents… in the parking lot that hadn't quite  
worked their way out of my system yet. Let me shudder for a moment.   
  
  
  
OK, I'm good now. I just hate the sound of my car being assaulted by   
that stupid cart. Although…I love the sound that the cart boy made.   
He he. I love my little Hee-chan.   
  
"Mama Konie? Can I have that?" Duo asked, pointing to a bag of large   
green apples.   
"Of course, Shinie, I told you we'd make some apple pie!" I replied,  
helping him haul the bag into the cart that we were now using. Heero  
was walking placidly alongside the cart, Trowa on my foot, Duo   
practically climbing the shelves, Quatre in the little baby seat and   
Wufei riding on the front of the cart, pretending to be in a watchtower.   
"Yeahy! I love apple pie!" Duo cried happily, throwing his hands in the  
air and doing a little Death-Fairy dance.   
Until it was interrupted by something more sinister than even the Evil   
Cart Boy… or the leader of the Evil Cart Boys from Hell (ECBH)… Produce  
Man!  
"Ma'am. You're going to have to keep your kids under control, or I'll  
send them to the Kid's Korner." He said, trying to make a (I could   
tell) normally Tenor voice into a deep Baritone.   
"No, I don't. They aren't my children, and they aren't harming   
anything." I said, starting to seethe anger again.  
"AND PUT ME DOWN, MISTER!" Duo screamed. Produce Man had picked him up   
and held him as if he were a rotten bag of potatoes, as far away from his  
body as possible.   
"No. You must come with me, trouble maker." Produce Man intoned and   
proceeded to walk away with Duo in tow.   
"Konie!" Duo screamed, trying to wrestle himself from the Man's grasp.  
I tried to run after him, but Produce Man had vanished without a trace  
as he rounded a corner. Along with him was Duo. My Duo. My Shinie.   
  
Produce Man was gonna pay.  
You don't, and I repeat, don't want to have a pissed off Konie on your  
hands.   
Especially one that has been in the company of 5 Chibi Gundam pilots for  
the last 6 months.   
"Mama Konie!" Quatre cried from the cart, where he was being harassed by  
a minion of Produce Man.  
"Angel?" I called back, slightly afraid. When I turned back to look at  
Angel…he was gone.   
"Alright! That's IT. You're gonna pay, and I swear REVENGE!!!" I   
yelled, and I believe that it was something akin to a Klingon Death Yell.   
"Yeah!" Wufei agreed, unsheathing his little sword.  
"Mission, accepted." Heero said, pulling out a gun.   
"For Quatre!" Trowa said, bringing out one of his throwing knives.  
"Here we go." I said in a low voice, also pulling out a…. rubber duck.   
You never know when you might need one. And when you do, you never   
have it. Just in case, you know what I mean?   
  
So, we marched past all the customers straight up to the front end.   
Immediately going up to Customer Service, I demanded, "One of your   
employees has kidnapped two of my little brothers, and I want them back."   
The employee that I spoke to turned his head to the other person with   
him, "Ron has struck again, Karen."  
"Thanks, Ryan." Karen said, smiling at me. Right…as if I was fooled  
with that.  
"I want Quatre and Duo back!" I yelled, right in her face.  
"But Ma'am. They'd be in the Kid's Korner." She said calmly, her face  
plastered with that fake smile.  
"Then get them from there and bring them back here!" Wufei yelled at  
the top of his lungs, "This is an injustice to my friends and Mother  
Konie!"  
"Alright. I'll be right back Ma'am." She said, leaving quickly.  
A few moments later, she returned with Quatre and Duo.  
"Thanks for getting them back. But we're never coming again." I said,  
putting the rubber ducky back into my pocket, and I saw all the boys  
put their weapons away too. "Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, Heero. Come,  
we shall finish then leave."  
Getting the rest of our groceries, and using the free session card from   
Karen (for our trouble, and for our silence and promise not to sue), we  
had few incidents. Other than Quatre wandering in the tea and coffee  
isle…and Wufei and Heero getting lost in the Oriental food section…ug…  
why I even bother, I don't know. Only Trowa stayed by my side the entire  
time.   
Making our way out the store, we met up again with the Evil Cart Boy.   
"Ma'am. I'm gonna have to see you inside." He said, in a voice that   
was bordering on first soprano.   
"Ha ha… it is to laugh." I said, shoving my way past him. I'd had   
enough of Cheapfoods for the day.  
"No. Ma'am. You don't grasp my meaning." He said, trying to yank me   
back into the store. "I need to see you inside. Now."  
"Mama Konie said no, and that means no!" Chibi Heero said, pulling out  
his little Uzi.   
This seemed to scare Evil Cart Boy. I mean, a little tiny boy with a  
big ass gun? Nah, that ain't scary at all.   
"Alright! Just know that, " He said, deepening his voice to a deep   
tenor, "I'll be back." Then…he melted. I shit thee not. He melted.  
OK… that was freaky. "Boys, we're going. NOW." I said, dragging all of  
them and hauling them into my Geo.   
After shoveling my groceries into my trunk, and letting the cart go   
whichever way it wanted (which happened to be right into the driver's   
side door of a black Dodge Viper), I sped out of that cursed parking lot  
at about 50 mph. Just as I was about home free, making that last turn  
out of the parking lot, a silvery form appeared in front of the car.   
"Ma'am. I told you I had to see you inside." It said, trying to yank  
my car back into the parking lot.  
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!" I screamed, going chibi myself. I reached into  
my pocket and pulled out my rubber ducky, now also chibi-ized.   
He took one look at the ducky and ran. Well, more like slid away.  
Looking down at my ducky, I smiled. "Cool!"  
  
And so, our adventure at the grocery store came to an end. I shall   
forever treasure my Geo, the boys…and most of all…  
  
My rubber ducky.  
  
AN: So? What Didja think? Let me know!!!!! C&C requested!!!!!  



End file.
